The Power of 5..

There was a significant event yesterday, it's not really that big but I had a reason to be happy yesterday..

Yesterday marked fourteen years since the release of Wannabe, The Spice Girls' debut single which technically marks the day when the world was introduced to Girl Power

I consider July 08 as the anniversary, because it was on that day, fourteen years ago, that my all time favorite song was released. The song that opened me to music itself.

Yeah, sure..it was Pop..and when you listen to it now, you'll find that there's really nothing quite special about it, it's just five girls singing.

I remember being three years old, not being able to understand anything they were singing about, it was all just plain gibberish to me. But I caught on the beat, started dancing along..and the rest was history.

There was something about them that just got me hooked..like some weird force, perhaps it was fate?..I don't really question it anymore, I'm just glad that my three year old self picked them over everyone else.

I LOVE THEM..I may not talk about them often, or listen to their songs every second of every day but I LOVE THEM..their music touched me in some way, they all speak to me, each one appropriate for at least one significant moment in my seventeen years of existence.

I admit that I have forgotten about them once. but, like I said..I LOVE THEM, and I like to believe that fate really wanted me to go running back into their music.

One year before they announced their reunion tour, there was a steady amount of 'signs' I saw that may look random to other people but meant something to me:

There was this regular commercial on TV at that time that used Wannabe as the background music.

I started hearing 2 Become 1 on radios wherever I go.

I was seeing the number 5 EVERYWHERE..like, seriously..everywhere.

There were dozens of those signs, everyday, wherever I go..I hear one song of theirs and I feel the tiniest pang of nostalgia, I wrack my brain for reasons but I seem to not be able to think of anything. The feelings of nostalgia grew stronger and stronger, until the day I saw their picture on the local broadsheet newspaper, read the news about their reunion and felt a HUGE AMOUNT OF JOY..because I finally realized what all those signs meant. It's like I had amnesia, all I needed was a picture to make me remember but the world kept giving me puzzle pieces so I could put it all together myself.




I never was able to go to any of their reunion shows. But I did what I can do, I started rekindling the fire.

It's been fourteen years since I first heard of them. And my eyes still tear up whenever I think of them too much..I only need to think of the pure unadulterated joy they gave me when I was young and I just feel like crying.

I never listen to their song Goodbye, besides the fact that there's only four of them in there..the title pretty much says it all for me..and I'm just not ready to say Goodbye to them just yet..

I'll always continue with being their fan..it's the least I can do..why?..because they sang Viva Forever and I take that song very very seriously..

If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.

"I fear too early, for my mind misgives some consequence yet hanging in the stars..But he that hath the steerage of my course direct my sail."
- Romeo, Romeo and Juliet Act 1 Scene 4


I have a fairly strict daily routine, and I'm pretty sure you used to not be a part of it..WAY WAY WAY back when it was the first few months of my college life..my day ordinarily consists of waking up, school, lunch and sleep.. and then you exploded into the picture and my whole routine just decided to fly out the window.

I love getting new friends..new faces to hang out with..it's always fun..so, I welcomed meeting you..like the jackass I can be..I wasn't able to anticipate the events that would follow..

I spent more and more time basking in your company..probably because you just humor me and I learn stuff from you..and then the shit hit the fan..

I fell in love(I hope to GOD that's not what this is)..don't ask me how..I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to explain it..I just went to bed one night, thought about the day's events as usual and whispered "Holy fuck" to myself..

I swear, the second I realized that I was feeling something beyond friendship, I wanted to bash my head against the wall for being so stupid..again..

As per custom, I kept those thoughts and feelings to myself..and decided to move on with my life..

I had a plan: to limit my time with you so this problem wont have any reasons to develop..it made perfect sense while I was formulating it, but then I saw you smile and everything pretty much imploded..which sucks because I totally sound like a cheesy romantic comedy..


"Wish enough, wise man will tell you a lie
Window broke, torn up screens
Who'd have thought that you'd dream
Of a single tragic scene"
- Blue Eyes, Cary Brothers


You hug me before you get a ride home..and I find myself thinking of those moments, whenever I catch myself off guard..and it's like I can't even function properly if I don't get to feel your hugs..

I can't sleep soundly anymore, I end up rolling around in my bed replaying memories and it's like the only thing that makes me get up and go to school was the hope that I would get to see you again.

I want to make myself stop wanting you..because it's stupid and retarded and IT'S NOT RIGHT(you said it yourself)..and I'm not supposed to feel this way just because of a few hugs..I'm not supposed to smile like a giddy idiot the second you turn around and walk off..why? because it just wouldn't be right..no matter how much I want it to be.


"I can't do the talk, like they talk on TV
And I can't do a love song, like the way it's meant to be.
I can't do everything, but I'll do anything for you.
I can't do anything, except be in love with you"
- Romeo and Juliet, Dire Straits


I wish i could just tell you what I feel and that nothing would change..but that won't happen..I just know it won't..and I'd rather not risk what i have..it's not what I need it to be..but it's the closest I can get..

the only thing missing is morning sickness..and my theory is..

Craving, n. Strong desire; longing; yearning


I have been craving for the past few days, which is beyond weird since I don't crave like a normal person would..I crave like a pregnant person..

It all started one morning when I decided to start my day with some toast and a glass of milk, an ordinary breakfast right?..I ended up wanting some for the whole day..I shrugged it off and figured that it was just because I haven't eaten that in a very long time, it actually made sense..until I got home and found that we have no more bread..I literally felt like crying..or wailing..whatever..I was just beyond pissed at the revelation..and then my mind decided that it just wants some avocados instead..so I went and devoured some..after which the 'urge' came back..only it's about milk..so, again..I went and followed the weird urges..The next morning..I found some bread on their usual spot, so I made some toast, well..not exactly some..I made like, a bunch of them, even cutting the bread in half to double the amount.

It's been nearly two weeks..I still crave for toast, but now..I think I kind of figured out why I'm having these cravings..


*Important Note* : the next few paragraphs take place in my dreams..

I tossed my keys into the open drawer in my bedroom after getting home from school..there was a loud thud and..well..everything else involves Junsu so..dear reader..please use your imagination here...

I woke up..groggy..and sated, tired, satisfied, whatever you wanna call it..there was a note taped to my forehead saying that my (imaginary!) husband, Junsu left to go do something pop star related..so I decided to visit the (imaginary!)neighbor, and good friend Heather Morris(of course she would make an appearance!), I knocked on her front door, she opened it..there was a squeal of "I missed you!" , a flurry of sweet smelling blond hair, the world turned sideways and then I pretty much found out I was bisexual..

(imaginary!) husband, Junsu called and said he would be home early..so..as much as I hated it, I told Heather I would be leaving for a bit and I would just be back when I had the time..she said okay..so I left..

I met up with Junsu at the house..and..*cue reader imagination here*

Its been a month since that (DREAM!) happened..two weeks since I had cravings..I wasn't puking yet..but I already told (imaginary!) husband, Junsu that I really really want some toast..I'm quite sure he's the baby daddy(considering Heather Morris would make this theory even more ridiculous than it already is)..he's pretty much okay with waking up in the middle of the night just to satisfy my so called cravings..he even joked that our baby would look like toast when he/she is born..Heather the(imaginary!) neighbor is kind enough to keep me company whenever Junsu is not around..so I guess that makes everything easier..

that's pretty much my (DREAM!) theory..and reality is debunking me as I type it..

my mind comes up with really weird stuff sometimes..I should get myself checked.

a series of unreachable birthday wishes..through photos..

I want Xiah Junsu for my birthday..because I LOVE HIM..and..well..HE'S REAL HOT..need I say more?..



this guy Leeteuk..I want him..because who wouldn't like that cute face?...and I didn't even upload the photo where he has his abs exposed..WOW...




Heather Morris..because as much as I hate this girl-crush I'm having..you can't deny that this girl is REALLY PRETTY...and okay..HOT too..




I want this Glee pairing to happen so badly..because I find it unfair that Kurt gets to have a boyfriend but Brittany and Santana can't end up together..so..here's to hoping they will..




Chris Colfer because I STILL refuse to believe that this boy is gay..




Jonathan Groff because he has such a SEXY SEXY voice..




and of course..Baljeet...from that cartoon..because I find his character really adorable..hahaha...

the "hahaha-is-it-fun-to-eat-your-words?" syndrome..

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately..like my newfound fandom for Glee which came at a time when the show is on it's break before season 2..I seem to have a knack for completely ignoring or sometimes insulting(sorry K-pop)awesome things and eventually becoming a fan when there's barely any news about it..I should start thinking of a name for this condition..it's ridiculously weird..

Its not like I haven't noticed the show before..I was aware of it because of Chris Colfer who caught my attention because he was one of those very few boys I have a serious crush on who turn out to be gay *ehem sexy voice Jonathan Groff*..(which seems to put a damper on the argument of me being straight..I AM..there's just not enough handsome straight boys to have a crush on..more on that later..)I was just too pre-occupied with other stuff to take it seriously during that time..(as always)..

It was just recently when I decided to give Glee a chance and watch a few episodes..I was in this 'watch TV shows for free' website and I was thinking of a show to type in..I tried Chuck but there were too many episodes and I don't have the patience to put up with slow buffering time..so I typed in Glee..and picked the Sectionals episode..I got through the first few minutes..and then came the scene with the party line phone call thing between Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Kurt, Brittany and Santana which had this particular exchange:

Santana: "Sex is not dating!"
Brittany: "if it was Santana and I would be dating.."

and just like that I was hooked..there was something about the way the lines were delivered that cracked me up..aside from the fact that Brittany looked mighty HOT I decided to purchase a DVD so I can marathon watch all the season one episodes and have a fresh start when season 2 rolls by..I also went and explored the internet for stuff about the show..which eventually led me to reading a bunch of fan fiction..which, in turn led me to join Team Brittana..because of *drum roll please* Brittany..or more specifically..Heather Morris..yeah..I hate having a girl crush..although I like to think that the significant lack of decent looking crush worthy boys is just nature's way of making me stay faithful to the lucky ones who made my list..their numbers are slowly dwindling though so I'm kind of hoping this trend won't last..

anyhow..I'm now starting to be a little bit careful on the stuff I say about things..and I'm starting to give everything a chance so as not to bruise my pride every time I eat my words about a certain type of fandom..

this doesn't change my feelings about the Twilight series though..I gave it a chance..heck..I even went and laboriously read all four books..but, unfortunately..IT STILL SUCKS..and..nope..I will never change my mind about that..

Koreans, books and their relation to my recent splurges...

I'm currently trying to devote myself to organizing my iPod..and I found that this particular gadget of mine is currently packing 414 songs and 93 movies..the most played song is in Korean(Mirotic- TVXQ! in case you want to know..played 149 times)which somehow tells me that I should either learn how to understand the stuff I'm listening to or try to listen to English again every once in a while..

The biggest splurges I ever made(CD wise)are in Korean..they cost me nearly a thousand pesos..and the last English album I bought was The Greatest Hits of The Spice Girls(I LOVE THAT..) and I didn't even pay for it, my dad did..I keep forgetting to buy that Fearless Platinum Edition CD that I wanted!!!!..and I only bought the second Korean CD because it says Free Poster..though, I should really stop hoarding posters I won't even post because I'm too paranoid about wrecking them..

I should really be thinking about splurging on albums next time..or just STAY PUT at a bookstore..and buff up my book collection again..I haven't really bought any books for my collection since last Christmas..that was only ONE book(part of a series too..crap..)and I finished it the night after I bought it..I really need new stuff to read..I can't bring the same books to the toilet!..arrrrggghhh..

I have some money again..and I scheduled myself for a trip to the National Bookstore tomorrow to buy stuff for school..they also have CDs in National Bookstore..

I WILL ONCE AGAIN FEEL TORN..between school stuff..CDs and a bunch of books smiling at me from their shelves, just begging to be bought..

GOD HELP ME PICK SCHOOL AND BOOKS...

Colds, Ghosts and Dreams..

hmm..so apparently I have decided to admit to myself that I had been sick with the cold since Wednesday..I hate getting the sniffles *cue people yelling WHO DOESN'T?!? here* the fact that it's really hard to breathe, the sneeze fest and the constant dripping of your nose are annoying on their own, the thing that really pisses me off about having a cold is not being able to properly taste anything..which leads to me losing my appetite when I really need it the most(clue: when I'm hungry) the bitterness brought by forcing myself to chew a tasteless sludge of an otherwise awesome meal is unbearable. I would gladly take on a bad case of the coughs than go through that, at least you can taste something before you accidentally spit it out in a bout of uncontrollable coughing right?, anyway I officially committed myself to a full on water treatment a few hours ago and I just HOPE that I won't need any sort of Meds for this stupid cold.

I've been playing Fatal Frame again, that awesome awesome survival horror game I have grown to love.



I never seem to get tired of this series. There's three of them for my console(the lame ass PS2)I personally LOVE Crimson Butterfly, but, I obviously do not have the money to upgrade my game console to a Nintendo Wii so I'm not going to be able to play Mask of The Lunar Eclipse(sad..) anyway, based on my recent tally, I have finished the first game only once compared to Crimson Butterfly which I have gone over seven times and The Tormented who passed by my hands for five times. I'm still actually a bit wary of the first game, which I guess is the reason for me putting off replaying it as best as I can(clue: I'm scared)..yep you read that right, I'm scared of the game, there seems to be more ways for the ghosts to scare you in this one and the obvious lack of healing items and film even on the easy mode got me to think that the game wouldn't be any better on the harder game modes. Not that I never found the same problems on the other two games but really..THERE'S A SHORTAGE OF HEALING ITEMS ON FATAL FRAME I...and the ghosts are a hell of a lot menacing, one grab would instantly get you to 'Alive and Kicking' to 'Barely breathing, hyperventilating, dying' and there's no point trying to avoid the ghosts either..because, well..that's the game's point.

I have this weird tolerant intolerance(huh?) for the supernatural and the Fatal Frame games always seem to get to me, no matter how many times I play them and even if I have the whole game nearly memorized, each cut-scene and ghost appearance never failed to illicit a scream from my scaredy-cat mouth(for some reason).

Which brings us to my latest dream installment where I was chased by a bunch of ghosts who enlisted the help of Freddy Krueger..I am scared..I seriously woke up in a cold sweat and got the shock of my life when I realized that I haven't wet my bed because of that FREAKISH dream..I think my lack of sleep and recent addiction to games involving zombies, monsters and ghosts have finally caught up with me..

I pray that I will get over this weekend alive..

Lines, experiments and really weird times

Okay..so it's been a week since my last stint as a linesman for this badminton tournament and I'm starting to think that it's not nice to stop having a job just when you really need the money..anyway, a few weeks ago I was stuck in a green chair watching the lines of court number 7 and getting yelled at by incredulous spectators for 'supposedly' giving out 'not right calls' which would obviously piss me off because I set my mind to the tune of: "You're not the linesman, I am"..I don't get why they have to protest, seriously..when the team you're rooting for is ten points ahead, a bad judgment by the linesman won't do the opposing team some good anyway.

My job description had me sitting there and watching a bunch of people walk around, play badminton, walk around some more, yell in excitement and slug energy drinks..but, out of all that energy drink hungry people one couple(?) caught my attention..I ended up observing them, which is weird because..well..I don't know them, anyway I managed to get some sort of inspiration to write a story because of them which made the setup a lot weirder because my horoscope for that day said that it would be a good time to write something weird..The story is still in it's first few lines and I don't think I'll get the urge to finish it anytime soon as I'm too much of a couch potato to actually think of stuff just yet..

Summer classes have ended last Monday(Yehey!!!)and I officially ran out of things to pre-occupy myself with, I seem to be easily bored nowadays, anyway..I decided to undertake an experiment which involves not sleeping for three days and finding out what kind of micro naps I would have and I'm officially on the start of my third day(today) when I decide to quit because I'm really sleepy and I ran out of Milk to keep myself awake..It's sad to think that I quit on the last day but I fear that I would crash out for four days and I won't be able to go to church on Sunday(wow..religious..) so I better do something about my schedule..I'm pretty sure I would set out to do this again but only when I'm really stoned or when Freddy Krueger really is out to get me..hehe..

I be off to bed..I have to catch up on snooze.

the first..

this would be my first blog post..I'm not really used to this kind of thing..my last attempt at blogging was at friendster blogs and I kind of abandoned that one already..anyway..I haven't got much stuff happening to my life..so I usually just update whenever something remotely interesting happens..(translate: nearly never)..but there are times when nature gives me a bunch of stuff to get interested about so all i have to do is just wait for those rare moments of inspiration..everyone's welcome to read through my rants and comment..I would appreciate it if there's some criticism in the comments box..at least there are comments right?..anyway..I'll stop here..until my next interesting moment..goodluck..